I dream

At night I dream of my success, you need to dare in order to succeed, you need energy and speed, and I, covered with fear, a belly full of bear and dreams, in my dream I am my star, I see me on a big stage, no stage fright no fear, my dreams brought me here, I bought my freedom with blood, bleeding fingers trying to hold on to you, those I love those I loved and me, I am not ashamed – yes me, the center of my universe. I pause applause I blush, I did not prepare a speech, I dreamed about this day my entire life, thousands of nights, what brought me here are words and pictures and visions, revisions, I stared into the sun, I stared into the moon, I dug my grave and well, I came to stay and went, this journey starts with me, this journey ends with me, this was my life this is my life, I must be standing here on stage, my hostage and slave, a whore for wars that aren’t being fought, in dreams I lose my fear, in dreams I type your name over and over and over again, a hungry man, angry I did not acquire enough, that I can’t compose a feeling, I can see your tears they are running away from the center of your eye, they are sweetened by sugar, and they are leaving you like a stream on its way to the sea, can you see me standing here on stage, alive and dead alive and dead, can you see me taking off my coat, shaving my hair with sharp blade, gently pouring on my skull leaning, tilting, perfect in my eyes, finally perfect, finally standing ovation, there is nothing to be ashamed of when you try to be yourself, when your clock is your clock, can you see me when you read the lines of my cocaine, do you have a father and a mother and one truth, do you know the answer has nothing to do with the question, has nothing to do with you or us or them, do you know what I mean when you know what you mean, do we mean, don’t be mean, read just read a few more lines, if I am out of order, out of border, speak, I am listening to myself. I am throwing words at you like paint, as if your life is a just a game, or a riddle, you are we are they are the riddle, at least we ask I ask they ask, there is no answer but one, God helps those that help themselves, so help me god, I speak no more, so help, help me and be good. While I stand on stage a few miles away from my dreams, I know one truth, I am never going to read what I wrote and never say never and never say truth, I will never speak to you or me, white words on white papers, I save and can’t sleep.


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